The start of the new school year is always filled with emotions. Students get excited to
meet new teachers and classmates, make new friends, and settle into new routines and
expectations. For some children, especially those with disabilities, navigating these
changes can be challenging. New spaces and new environments may challenge students
to do something incredibly important: advocate. Self-advocacy is not easy. It requires a
child to develop skills, recognize their needs, make choices, ask for help, and learn how to
communicate with the adults around them. Parents can play an important role in helping
children build these skills at home and carry them into the classroom.
Why Transitions Matter
Self-advocacy begins with understanding yourself. Help your child recognize what they
enjoy, what they are good at, and what makes learning easier for them. Talking about
strengths alongside challenges can help children develop a better understanding of
themselves as learners.
Try using guiding questions like:
- “What is your favorite thing to do at school?”
- “What do you think you are really good at?”
- “What helps you learn best?”
- “What are some things that you think help you learn?”
- “What is something at school that feels easy for you?”
- “What is something that feels harder right now?”
These questions allow your child to verbalize and discover strengths they have within
themselves. This can help your child to better understand skills and methods that work
best for them. This encourages children to reflect on where they are, what some strengths
may be, and how to best communicate with peers and teachers.
Talk About What Helps
When something is difficult, it can be tempting for adults to immediately step in and solve
the problem. Instead, try giving your child an opportunity to think about what might help.
For example, if your child says, “Math is too hard,” you might ask, “What part feels hard?” or
“What do you think could make it easier?”
Depending on your child’s needs, support may look different. Some children may need
directions repeated, a short break, a visual schedule, a quieter place to sit, extra time, or an
example. These conversations encourage children to think about what they are
experiencing at a given point and communicate it as best they can. Noticing when
something is not working and thinking about what they might need is the first step to giving
your child the autonomy to process and advocate.
You can even help your child process what they are experiencing with sentence starters.
Some can include:
- “I think I learn the best when in this space because…”
- “I like learning _____ because…”
- “I am good at ____ because…”
- “I get frustrated because…”
These sentence starters can help children actively process what they may be experiencing.
Providing examples and walking them through this can also help your child by validating
their emotions. Most importantly, this process helps your child recognize their needs and
feelings and learn how to advocate for the tools they may need to succeed.
Practice Asking for Help
Knowing that you need help and knowing how to ask for it are two different skills. Children
may recognize that they are confused or overwhelmed but not know what to say to a
teacher. Practice simple phrases at home so they feel more familiar when your child needs
to use them at school. For example:
- “Can you please explain that again?”
- “I don’t understand this part.”
- “Can you show me an example?”
- “Can I have a short break?”
- “I need some help getting started.”
- “Can I have more time to finish this?”
You can practice through role-playing. Take turns being the student and the teacher, and
keep the practice low-pressure and encouraging. The goal is to help your child feel
comfortable using their voice, not to memorize a script.
Give Children Opportunities to Make Choices
Self-advocacy also means having opportunities to make decisions about yourself. Look for
small, everyday choices that are appropriate for your child’s age and abilities.
You might ask:
- “Would you rather do your homework before or after dinner?”
- “Which activity would you like to start with?”
- “Would you like to work at the table or somewhere quieter?”
- “Which strategy do you think will help you with this assignment?”
Allow your child to experience the outcome of their choices and talk about what worked
and what did not. These moments help children build confidence in their ability to make
decisions, recognize what works best for them, process what they are experiencing, and
communicate those needs.
Encourage Your Child to Speak for Themselves and Recognize It!
Parents naturally want to advocate for their children, particularly when their child is
struggling. There will be times when adults need to step in, but whenever appropriate,
consider giving your child the opportunity to participate in conversations about their own
needs. For example, if you are meeting with a teacher, you might ask your child ahead of
time, “Is there anything you want your teacher to know?” Give your child opportunities to
answer questions or share their perspective. Self-advocacy is not about expecting children
to navigate challenges alone. It is about helping them build the skills and confidence to
take part in decisions and communicate their needs, with support.
Self-advocacy can be difficult, especially when children are worried about being different,
getting in trouble, struggling to communicate what they are experiencing, or asking for
something they need. Recognize and celebrate when your child speaks up, even when the
outcome is not exactly what they hoped for. Those moments allow your child to develop the
confidence and skills needed to advocate for themselves.
Building Skills One Conversation at a Time
Self-advocacy is a skill children develop over time. It can begin with something as simple
as asking a child what helps them concentrate, giving them a choice between two
activities, or practicing what they can say when they need help. As children learn more
about themselves and become more comfortable communicating their needs, they can
become more active participants in their education.
The goal is not for children to advocate for themselves perfectly or independently in every
situation. The goal is to help them recognize their strengths, understand their needs,
communicate what works for them, and know that their voice matters.